Day 2 of pain

Another day same weight of pain, still painful hard to bear. I was waiting for his explanation but i was disappointed no response from him and it hurts me more. No sorry, no anything. Why is it so easy for him to lie yet he can't say any words now. I feel desolated the man I've been caring  about is nowhere to be found. I get weak and weaker everyday. Still pretending what's happening now is just a dream and i want to wake up from this nightmare. Why is that im always the one who's hurting the one who's always left behind. I'm so sick and tired of crying then why those tears keep on falling? Am i that bad enough to deserved this kind of pain? This is too much i'm drowning in pain but he can't save me now i need to save myself  from this emptiness.

Fight or Surrender (edited)

They say when you love someone fight for what you feel. What if that someone don't feel the same way as you do?
Would you still continue to fight for that love? It would be better this way, "when you love someone be like a soldier know when to fight and when to surrender". Giving up is not a sign of being coward perhaps it shows how brave you, brave enough to accept the fact that you can't have everything what your heart's desire. Then giving up is not a bad thing at all.

When that one person takes you for granted, and doesn't appreciate your existence, let go. Stop torturing yourself don't be blinded with that love.
No one has the authority to hurt anyone, and nobody wants to die brokenhearted.

So when you can find reasons to fight for that love then go for it, do everything to win that battle, but you must also know when to raise that white flag.

 =mikai=

Date created : Dec 18, 2008 at 10:21 PM

RE: now its time for me to surrender, I lost this battle.

Day 1 of pain

Last night was one of the most hardest part of my life, sleepless night an hours of crying, this kind of pain is unbearable . Wishing not to wake up today but I failed I was able open my eyes with dried tears on my cheeks. As I open my eyes I was searching for something my mind keeps to wander. Collecting my thoughts recalling every painful truth that surprised me last night. I thought what happened last night is just a nightmare but the sad truth it wasn't a nightmare everything was real, the pain and tears. It seems like I'm in a comatose stage I couldn't move my body, I don't want to move away from my bed not even to see the sunlight. I wanted to run away from this pain but it keeps on haunting me. For all those years  I've been loving the wrong person at the wrong time, everything was wrong except for one thing "the love". Though I don't know where and how to start I have to face a new day without him in my life. Everything will be different from this day on no more "YOU" to call, no more sweet nothings.  How i wish there still strength left in me to face another day without the guy I've been  wanting for so long, for I know I couldn't have him anymore that everything I was dreaming about us will remain a dream forever and will never come true. I have to let go of this feeling now coz i need to. I don't know what will happen the day after this.

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Di ko alam kung bakit ako gumawa ng account dito siguro dahil sa sobrang kalungkutan di ko nga alam kung ano ba gusto kung isulat parang walang matino laman ang utak ko ngayon. Puro umpisa lang di ko alam kung paano tatapusin. Parang ang bigat ng loob ko parang sasabog sa sobrang sakit, gusto kong makalimot kahit saglit. Pinilit kong matulog pero nagising din ako agad akala ko panaginip lang lahat ng pag iyak ko pero mali ako dahil kahit anong pilit ko na paniwalain ang sarili ko na panaginip lang lahat totoo pala ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ngayong araw na to parang pinagsakluban ako ng langit at lupa. Bakit ngayon pa kung kelan nasa malayo ako mag isa walang kahit sino sa tabi ko para batukan ako nang magising na ako ng tuluyan sa mga katangahan ko. Mahirap pero kakayanin ko dahil kailangan kayanin. Masakit pero pipilitin kong maging matatag para sa mga nagmamahal sakin. Pero sa ngayon iiyak muna ako hanggat maubos lahat ng luha ko para sa kanya. Itutulog ko muna ang sakit para pansamantalang mawala man lang. Simula ngayon si God na bahala sa puso ko.