Year end Heartache

Year 09 was such a big blast
My life is like a rollercoaster ride
Full of surprises, unpredictable one
Just in time before the year ends
We decided to end our story
It was the most heartbreaking moment of the year
My heart is like a fireworks thrown into the sky
Scattered all over the place
I know i have to pick it up on my own
But i'm too weak to put back everything into places
Tears continued to fall, im like a child lying on the ground
Feeling so helpless, seeking for someone to cling on
As I realized I was alone, no one is there to pull me up
Heartaches starts to flashed back into my memory
I screamed coz of the pain, it's like I was stabbed my knife
My heart is aching and she's crying inside
This world is so harsh, life has been so complicated
Time for me to have a break, and buried my heart that has been badly broken

I run unto HIM but i never question HIM about my suffering
my only refuge WHO's always been there every time I fall
GOd let may lay down unto your shoulder, your little girl is so tired

Iloveyou

mikai21

My Hero

I was in despair when you found me
I stayed at the corner so you won't noticed me
I tried to locked every door for you not to come in
But you was so eager to save me


You were like a superhero in the movie
Saving a girl who's been crying like a baby
You don't have that powers like the comic super heroes
But you owned a special power, you've ripped off my sadness


Now i do believed that hero really exist
You were the most admirable hero I've ever met
I feel safe just by the words you uttered
Your aura was too powerful,
Just like a metal shield...protecting me from being hurt


Time has come that the hero needs to go
and save other who needs him the most
A unique superhero that's what you are
Thanks for saving me, hope our path will cross again someday

mikai21

Rain oh rain

I need the rain just like a dried land needs it
And cry under the rain so that no one will notice my tears
My eyes can no longer hold the weight of pain
That even my knees are starting to shake I can't control my body
I wanted to kneel down, this pain is unbearable
I was like in a comatose stage
Silently sleeping but continuously bleeding

mikai21

sunset

I was here standing still with eyes locked straight to the sun
The beauty of the sunset was so perfect, it doesn't happen everyday
As i watched the sunset tears suddenly fall down to my cheeks
I tried to wipe it out but couldn't stop it from falling
While staring the sunset I remembered you
You're like a sunset and I was the day
You said goodbye but then you left me with sweet memories
As the sun made a final vow on this day it made me cry harder
I have to wait for tomorrow or the day after tomorrow just to witness a perfect sunset again

mikai21

Dream

Along the way going to nowhere
I took a sleep for an hour
My body is already asleep
but then my mind is wide awake
Preoccupied with your thoughts
On my way i know i have to wake up
but still i tried not to open my eyes
For I know tears will surely fall
I want to sleep a lifetime at that very moment
coz that's the only place where I can be with you..in my dreams


saddest part I still have to wake up
And face this cruel world

mikai21

Darkroom

 I was alone in a dark room for so long
Seeking for some light
I found an opened door
I hurried up towards that door
But when i was about to go out
Somebody shut the door
Now i'm stuck in this empty dark room







mikai21

missing the rain

I miss the beauty of the rain

Watching its' synchronized  movement is like a piece of art

Every drop is like a music to my ears

Like a sweet lullaby that I love to hear

I miss dancing with the rain

The graceful moves that I used to follow

Remembering how it touches my skin

Those tingling touch that makes me shiver

I miss the joyous feeling that brought by the rain

How it refresh my preoccupied mind

It seems so magical and mysterious

Fascinated by every drop that falls

I miss sharing moments with the rain

Laughter and crying moments that we used to share

I miss it's company

When will I see the rain fall again?

mikai21

Girl Inside

Girl Inside

There's a girl in me that wanted to come out

She was a prisoner of my image for so long

I built a huge cage and trapped her inside me

She was screaming but then I played deaf

That girl is trying to sneak sometimes

But I was so selfish I didn't let her out

I tried to hide her as much as I could

Still eager to see the outside world

She was alone in a dark room 

Trying to seek for some light

That girl is tired of being a so-called emo

She was waiting for someone to unleash her

SADNESS and PAIN was been her bestfriend for quite long

Time to introduce HAPPINESS that has been stranger to her

Now I'm releasing this girl that been a shadow of my disguise

Your free to come out now, the world is waiting for you.

mikai21

unarmed soldier

I was unarmed soldier when I came on a battle still eager to fight wholeheartedly,

but as I looked around I was the only one fighting

trying to win a battle though I know there's no chances of winning.

Now time has come for this soldier to surrender and drop the only weapon she had,

she's now wounded aching with too much pain and continuously bleeding.

Love wasn't enough to save me from this battle. I came to realized that no one can win a battle alone.

I'm no loser but then I lost.

Resting

Letting this love die a natural death
Forgetting the air that he used to breathe
Somehow this love will surely subside
But it’s still my decision and I need to decide

Now I have enough reason to let go
Enough reason not to look back
I know which way to go now
Without nothing holding me back

Time to wipe away tears on my cheeks
Drop all memories and try not reminisce
I’ll make my move one step at time
While singing the song “Better in Time”

I need to give my heart a break
I overused it and there’s a lot of repairing to make
Rest now my dear heart, heal every scar you’ve got
Wake up whenever you want and give your best shot

mikai21

Tears

My eyes has been quite busy
Carrying heavy tears that keeps on falling
Wishing that every tear drop falls will lessen the pain
I wanted it not to fall but couldn't control it

I've been crying a million tears for so long
Hoping there's a way i can stop it
When will i get tired of crying?
Coz im quite sick and tired

Tears keep on falling like a river flow
while mesmerizing the love and pain I had gone through
Wiping away tears on my face
Trying not to leave any remarkable trace

My eyes needs a rest for now
Coz I know she's also in pain like me
Liter of tears is enough for this day
Maybe, or just maybe tomorrow there'll be no more tears will fall from my eyes

mikai21

Hardest Part

Hard to pretend that im fine

when inside of me im still aching

Hard to show some smile

when what I really wanted is to shed some tears

Hard to avoid myself from talking with you

when I really wanted is to talk to you all day

Hard to pretend that im over you

when the whole of me is still stuck with your thoughts

Hard to stop myself from loving you

when i'm already drowning and blinded by this love

Hard to escape from this cage of pain

when the only one who can save me was already gone

Hard to let go of this feeling

when my heart keeps on babbling about you

Hard to forget the love I have once treasured

when I really wanted to keep it for long ,but then I have no choice but to let go

mikai21

No more countdown

No more countdown of pain coz it wouldn't change anything. Pain may diminish each in every day but it will leave a scar that will reminds me how much i hurt. I will welcome pain with arms wide open, i know time will come this pain will have its grand exit in my life. Tomorrow I will laugh everything that happened today. I won't dare to question anyone for my suffering for I know it was my fault after all. I'll continue my life one step a time try not to look back the things that makes me sad. This is a new chapter of my life, new character and some are still there playing there role, a new journey to nowhere.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow i will forget the reason why i cry

I know its quiet hard but I have to give it a try

This desolation will soon be vanish

For I know I can pass through life's harshness

Tomorrow i will reminisce everything about yesterday

The  pain and laughter that makes my day

Though things never workout what i wanted

I'm still doing fine,continuing life finishing what i've started

Tomorrow I will be a better ME

The person that i'm supposed to be

For now i'll let things unfold in their own way

For I know tomorrow will be a better day

mikai21

Day 5 of pain

Today I almost forgot the pain maybe because i've been so busy for the whole day. But now that I'm alone, every pain flashing back to my memory. As I looked in every corner of my room I remembered everything about him as if he leaves a memory in my room. I can feel the emptiness, how in the world a one person i haven't meet had a big impact on me? how he put too much sadness on my face? And why im still loving him after all the pain he brought me? That's the usual questions that keeps babbling on my mind.I scoured for answers but couldn't find any. I'm a bit of muddled now. Controlling myself not to think of him sounds impossible yes it is. But I have to try coz i need to.

Day 4 of pain

As I woke up this morning, there's still dried tears on my cheeks. Trying not to remember the reason why i cried but the truth has its own way of reminding me the pain. I wished in just a snap of my finger i can forget each killing moment but i know it couldn't happen. I know it will take time for me to heal, though i don't know how to start i still have to try, after all i have a life to continue. Maybe for now i'll give my heart a rest, i overused it. I need to tap my self back to life. I need to be strong and firm. I'll pick my heart and make it whole again. This journey is still long way to go.

Last petal falls©

The beauty of my rose is starting to fade

I  can't do anything but stare on it

She looks so pale and sad

What can I do to bring back her beauty that she had

One petal falls each in everyday

I wish I had the power to make that petal stay

Every falls of petal makes my tears drop

Hope i can save it, trying to make it stop

There's only one last piece of petal left

Trying to do something for her to not to fall

I can feel the grief of the last petal

I know I can't stop her from falling

Now time has come for her to let go

She has been so brave carrying  the sadness alone

As i watch the last petal falls

Maybe its time for me to move along.

mikai™

Day 3 of pain

      After a day without a word from him, finally he was able to speak up, he feel sorry for hurting me. But that sorry will not change anything, the whole me is already damaged, the word sorry will not heal the pain. I wished I could learn to hate him but I can't. I still love him despite of what he did and I was so stupid. I've been loving a person who did nothing but hurt me. Forgetting the love i have for him is such a hard thing to do.

       I want to sleep a hundred years just to escape the harshness of life, the sad part i still have to wake up. But then even in my dream i was crying, the pain still lingering throughout my system ,no way to run away from this. I wish I could go back to the time when the only man in my life was my dad, the only bestfriend I had was my mom, and any pain can easily be healed by just a bandaid and lollipop but I know I can't. I have no choice but to face it or else it will break me.

Day 2 of pain

Another day same weight of pain, still painful hard to bear. I was waiting for his explanation but i was disappointed no response from him and it hurts me more. No sorry, no anything. Why is it so easy for him to lie yet he can't say any words now. I feel desolated the man I've been caring  about is nowhere to be found. I get weak and weaker everyday. Still pretending what's happening now is just a dream and i want to wake up from this nightmare. Why is that im always the one who's hurting the one who's always left behind. I'm so sick and tired of crying then why those tears keep on falling? Am i that bad enough to deserved this kind of pain? This is too much i'm drowning in pain but he can't save me now i need to save myself  from this emptiness.

Fight or Surrender (edited)

They say when you love someone fight for what you feel. What if that someone don't feel the same way as you do?
Would you still continue to fight for that love? It would be better this way, "when you love someone be like a soldier know when to fight and when to surrender". Giving up is not a sign of being coward perhaps it shows how brave you, brave enough to accept the fact that you can't have everything what your heart's desire. Then giving up is not a bad thing at all.

When that one person takes you for granted, and doesn't appreciate your existence, let go. Stop torturing yourself don't be blinded with that love.
No one has the authority to hurt anyone, and nobody wants to die brokenhearted.

So when you can find reasons to fight for that love then go for it, do everything to win that battle, but you must also know when to raise that white flag.

 =mikai=

Date created : Dec 18, 2008 at 10:21 PM

RE: now its time for me to surrender, I lost this battle.

Day 1 of pain

Last night was one of the most hardest part of my life, sleepless night an hours of crying, this kind of pain is unbearable . Wishing not to wake up today but I failed I was able open my eyes with dried tears on my cheeks. As I open my eyes I was searching for something my mind keeps to wander. Collecting my thoughts recalling every painful truth that surprised me last night. I thought what happened last night is just a nightmare but the sad truth it wasn't a nightmare everything was real, the pain and tears. It seems like I'm in a comatose stage I couldn't move my body, I don't want to move away from my bed not even to see the sunlight. I wanted to run away from this pain but it keeps on haunting me. For all those years  I've been loving the wrong person at the wrong time, everything was wrong except for one thing "the love". Though I don't know where and how to start I have to face a new day without him in my life. Everything will be different from this day on no more "YOU" to call, no more sweet nothings.  How i wish there still strength left in me to face another day without the guy I've been  wanting for so long, for I know I couldn't have him anymore that everything I was dreaming about us will remain a dream forever and will never come true. I have to let go of this feeling now coz i need to. I don't know what will happen the day after this.

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Di ko alam kung bakit ako gumawa ng account dito siguro dahil sa sobrang kalungkutan di ko nga alam kung ano ba gusto kung isulat parang walang matino laman ang utak ko ngayon. Puro umpisa lang di ko alam kung paano tatapusin. Parang ang bigat ng loob ko parang sasabog sa sobrang sakit, gusto kong makalimot kahit saglit. Pinilit kong matulog pero nagising din ako agad akala ko panaginip lang lahat ng pag iyak ko pero mali ako dahil kahit anong pilit ko na paniwalain ang sarili ko na panaginip lang lahat totoo pala ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ngayong araw na to parang pinagsakluban ako ng langit at lupa. Bakit ngayon pa kung kelan nasa malayo ako mag isa walang kahit sino sa tabi ko para batukan ako nang magising na ako ng tuluyan sa mga katangahan ko. Mahirap pero kakayanin ko dahil kailangan kayanin. Masakit pero pipilitin kong maging matatag para sa mga nagmamahal sakin. Pero sa ngayon iiyak muna ako hanggat maubos lahat ng luha ko para sa kanya. Itutulog ko muna ang sakit para pansamantalang mawala man lang. Simula ngayon si God na bahala sa puso ko.